her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
