True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
