like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
