Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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