evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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