you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
