dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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