I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
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I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I need to align my fucking chakras
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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