How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
