who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
All I want is dick and wine.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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