Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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