I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
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That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
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I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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