Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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