You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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