even my farts smell like vagina
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
