if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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