the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
