I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
