i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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