I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
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Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize