Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
