Plan B is the new Plan A
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
