I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
