were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
