We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
