I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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