is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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