Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
