How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She's the barista slut.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
