yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize