yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize