I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
