my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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