Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
