The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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