wakey wakey hands off snakey
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
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I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm like, not good at living.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
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