8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
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i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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