Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
