You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
