My friends, they love my intelligence
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Pants are for mortals
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
