call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I FOUND THE LEGS
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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