Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
