new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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