flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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