I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
