NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
