we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
