These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
