did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
