Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
