I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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