I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
