I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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