she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm passing your future prison.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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