the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just cut my nipple shaving
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
