I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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