mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize