dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
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Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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