I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
