Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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