That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
