Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize