9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Randomize
