He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
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It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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