the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
