Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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