this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The adults are the big ones right?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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